[0780] Time-Out For Ivan
└ posted on Monday, 25 April 2016, by Novil
- Talkshow host: Thank you for this fair and balanced assessment of Russian politics, Mr. Cole–.
- Ivan: Fair and balanced!? Eat your own face and Пошёл в жо́пу, су́ка, блядь!!
- Larisa: Now, now, Ivan, mind your language! Looks like somebody needs a time-out!
- Ivan: But, but…!
- Larisa: No backtalk!
- Ivan: Why are they always so mean to us?
- Larisa: They say the media is controlled by the military-industrial complex. But I believe they’re all smelly poopy heads anyway.
I’m Russian, who moved to Canada… Well I definitely don’t say “Пошёл в жопу, сука, блядь!!!” (It must be triple exclamation mark, in Russian we never use double for some reason, it is single or triple if you want to be grammatically correct)
But I don’t know it is not that good in Russian… Otherwise people all the smartest people (like scientists for example) wouldn’t leave the country… Though sometimes it is laughable, if you listen to what they say here in the news and shows about Russia…
Well I mean ““Пошёл в жопу, сука, блядь!!!” is a proper profane Russian phrase… But doesn’t really worth using it for some show on TV…
Larisa squatting and Ivan with a tracksuit are nice touches.
Trimutius wrote:
What are some of the things they say in the news that are wrong?
Vodka and pickles = Russian time out. Seems legit.
WizardOfIz wrote:
With track suit and squatting.
I’ve been following this comic for so long I forget whether Ivan is Larisa”s father or not.
In America “Fair and Balanced” is the catchphrase of a notoriously hawkish 24/7 news network Fox News. While they are not the only network guilty of an anti-Russian bias, they perhaps invite on the craziest of guests and put up with the strongest rhetoric.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love Fox in moderation, but when they wheel in the aging 3-star general who begins talking about creating an American occupied buffer zone between Russia and Poland or how the US should begin airstrikes against Russian cities for their support of Bashar al-Assad, I can’t help but laugh.
Now what is more common across all networks are the less-overt slights against Russia or in their reluctance to report non-Western sides to a conflict. Much of this comes down to US worldview but a greater deal of it is from fear of a rival power to the US, look no further then CNN’s recent series on the concerns of a possible EU army, pundits opposing the idea “because of what happened the last time Germany had an army.”
I know Larisa already warned us, but you really shouldn’t put this in Google Translate.
I’m russian and I must say, that’s a very strong and offensive swearing here. Mostly the last word. Yes, when translated to English, it will mean «f**k you», but won’t be ever close by offensiveness and expression. And in russian media, using this kind of words is very rare, even in 18+ media. (In USA, AFAIK, one «f**k» in non-sexual meaning is allowed in PG-13). And a father swearing like this in front of his teen daughter? Maybe, if he’s factory worker, or military, but he’s not really a good father then.
BTW, with «Иди» instead of «Пошёл» sentence will have absolutely the same meaning, but feel more natural.
Yay!
The last strip wants coloring soooo much! Could anybody do that, please? The authencity of the decorations are virtually impossible to feel for non-russians there.
And personally, i would have removed the “сука” word here, on top of replacing “пошел” with “иди” as suggested above.
Xezlec wrote:
Well for example Russia didn’t really attack Ukraine as some suggest… It was a Civil War in Ukraine, but actually Russia was the only country that accepted refugees from Ukraine… It just doesn’t make sense for Russia to attack Ukraine (what benefit could come from that really? Even if they did something on those territories, people shooting at civilians were definitely not Russian army, because that doesn’t make sense), while it does make sense for Ukraine to speak out those accusations without any real proof, in order to get Western support…
Now that I think about it… Adidas sports wear is quite common for Russian men, but Russian girls don’t really wear dresses like that (unless it is a cosplay), it is from the long forgotten past (before USSR)
In Soviet Russia… Nah, never mind. Not the time.
I think I’ll refrain from commenting on the politics of Ukraine and Russia. As a Malaysian, I’m still very sore on the shooting down of MH17 and have unpleasant feelings towards the two countries but will avoid saying anything to not offend readers from Russia and Ukraine.
Focusing on the comic, I’m a bit lost on the time out session. I did notice that Larisa is wearing a dress similar to the one in Propaganda http://www.sandraandwoo.com/2014/12/22/0643-propaganda/ , but other than the bear picture and vodka, is the last panel suppose to be some Russian retreat for Larisa and her father to immerse in Russian culture?
Or are pickles and the tapestry pattern somehow suppose to denote Russia as well?
At the risk of using a particularly stale meme: In Soviet Russia, Your kids put YOU in time out!
I just hate when people talk about another country’s politics like they know all about it and start talking what’s bad about it.
Hobbes wrote:
LOL, really? I know in China, during the so called Cultural Revolution, Mao tried to brainwash the youth into thinking that anything old or senior was bad, so it was their duty to shame old people and traditional culture. Did something similar happen in Russia?
Stop this russian-swearing-grammar nonsense! The swearing used in this comic is absolutely correct, although inappropriate as hell and used in presence of young family members only by complete alcoholics and конченными уродами. But, according to furniture of the “time-out” room, this Ivan is one of those…
@ Игорь Орловский:
Well, I mean, Larissa’s the young family member. So…
Man all this talk about the level of swearing being inappropriate and bad parenting because it’s in front of Larisa? I’m sure she’d find that hilarious and then go out of her way to ensure she’s seen as being the bad influence instead of the other way around.
I must say that the swearing used in the first panel is VERY strong — something that would NEVER appear in a non 18+ strip…
…But also very appropriate, and quite accurate. A man of Ivan’s character in the US would definitely feel like this and require such a time-out (probably without a track suit, though). Good one, Novil — definitely not a children’s strip, but a very good one, Novil.
And I really liked it that Larisa *freakin’ listens*. Definitely a Russian way of dealing with it.
@ ThatOneDudeFromThePlace:
It’s not about Larisa’s position towards swearing. My daughter never paying attention to swearing at all, but nevertheless I will NEVER swear in front of her, NEVER. I will think of myself as a low-man if I’ll ever do this. That Ivan have no self esteem at all.
Shouldn’t he be the one who’s squatting, since he is wearing a tracksuit?
In Russia we have a common meme “Klukva” or “Russian Klukva”. It’s related to cranberry, but means all that stuff, that is widely shared as common in Russia, but that’s not really true. So, the Gloden Klukva prize is clearly the prize that comic can win.
For those, who didn’t understand the sarcasm of the comic and lolz, just accept: Russians are not like that )))
@ Trimutius:
Thank you for the enlightenment of other nationality views!
@ Seko:
I’ve seen worse out of CBS, TBH. And they claim to be fair and accurate.
@ Trimutius:
Oh, but Russia had troops in Ukraine!
On the military base that they had on lease from Ukraine until 2042.
@ Xezlec:
Maybe you can explain the significance of the clothing changes, because the final panel went screaming over my head at low-Earth orbital levels. Who’s being mean to whom?
@ Trimutius:
Russian didn’t attack Ukraine?
Right, and “there are no Russian troops in Crimea”, too.
Remember how often and adamantly we were told that by Putin’s Kremlin and mouthpieces, while Russian troops were driving around Ukraine in unmarked vehicles wearing unmarked fatigues? And then after Crimea was firmly in Russian hands, it was suddenly “well of course there are Russia troops in Crimea, who ever thought otherwise?”
Trimutius wrote:
oh please… of course Russia intervenes on Ukraine… just letting it go, would be like USA letting Fidel Castro rule Cuba…
well they did in the end – but only after debacle of the pig bay landing by CIA-armed and trained guerillas – which were however wiped out even before Castro´s main force arrived. (locals really did not want anything like Batysta´s regime back)
Game of geopolitics – sometimes you really can not affort to let enemy gain foothold at any price… and if you have no choice at least demonstrate effort to go against it.
Then it was game “nukes in Turkey” vs “nukes on Cuba”… etc. there are no good guys in politics, especially in international politics.
Trimutius wrote:
Actually phrases like that are quite common in all slavic languages. I know I am speaker of one.
We scarcely go far for using profanities… especialy when government and media are concerned.
I had a feeling people will start talking in the comments section about the Russia-Ukraine situation. What a sore subject.
inqntrol wrote:
Politics is always a sore subject…
I once heard a saying “In a polite civil company there are always three topics that must be avoided at all cost: Politics, sex, and religion.”
It is impossible to have a civil conversation about teither one if there is someone who has fundamentaly different opinion on either.
You should love this 😀 marvelous stuff 😀
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSOfQ7tgTLg
@ Trimutius:
Alright alright, I need to stop you here before you influence the minds of innocent. The conflict was started by Russia and, well, the benefits are undeniable. Some of them? Sure, I don’t mind to share at least one: reachable port ( now they have comfortable access to the Black sea. Please get your facts straight, I can already see that your brain has been washed.
@ tiggo:
Well, as a European of the Pro-EU orientation, and a Dutchman (MH17!) even I myself sometimes wonder if the EU/NATO didn’t start the conflict, or at least contributed equally to it’s escalation.
I’m not saying “we” pulled the trigger, but the long-standing EU/NATO lobby in Ukraine to join “us” definitely escalated tensions with Moscow, long before any shots were fired.
If the Ukraine would have joined NATO, Russia’s primary naval station (Crimea base) would be effectively surrounded by “non-allied military powers” (namely: NATO-Ukraine).
That would limit their military access to the Black Sea (N.B. gateway to Mediterranean!)
The American Navy definitely wouldn’t want Putin to control the Panama Canal.
From a Russian strategic perspective, Crimea is basically the same in reverse.
@ The Greatest One:
Yes I believe he is. He did give her boyfriend tips on how to make her happy after all.
Well . . . Putin and Medvedev sure do a darn good imitation Cheney and Dubya . . . heck, they do Cheney and Dubya even better than Cheney and Dubya, which probably isn’t what really gets American news sources upset . . . well, most American news sources excepting Fox, I should say . . .along with putting news in quote marks . . and guys, the Putinbots on news sites on the web really don’t work . . . it isn’t the propaganda, it’s how badly it’s done . . . which could be a subversive act on the part of the Putinbots . . . except, it’s really hard for intelligent people to fake stupidity that well . . .
I think the reason for the switch in clothes is to indicate that here, in this room, is Rusiya! The whole place is a shrine to the Motherland. By the way, thanks to the people explaining why Ivan is in Adidas sportswear, could somebody also please explain what is the pickled food in the jar on the table there? Beets?
Jules wrote:
Well last time someone wanted to take away US priviledge to use the Panama channel… there was an invasion and complete replacement of Panama´s government by the US…
the resolution against it Vetoed in UN by USA,GB and France…
and well – I somehow can not imagine NATO(at least the european part)/EU orchestrating this deliberately – that would require degree of competence not usually shown by these institutions.
The whole problem essentialy dates to time where Soviet Union was setting up borders – they were supposed to be forever and in the end not mater – they were set completly irrespectful of ethnicity of locals. (see Sykes-picot agreement on the middle east – that also falls appart- contrary to middle east – the only thing that made it hold 100 years was essentialy a deadlock by cold war and before that by “spheres of influence”).
But when the contry got partitioned lot of people found themselves on bad side of border – and they really could not leave with their properties, and noone had money to compensate what they would have to leave behing.
If you look at the baltic – there is one country where russians (by ethnicity) always win the most votets in election as party (40)… the coalition of everyone else (60) just overvotes them…
then there are people who steadfastly refused to accept citizenship of the “new” state, claiming they have only citizenship of the former Soviet socialistic republic and will never accept any other. (I think it is Latvia)… there is nowhere to deport them to – their state was the Latvian soviet socialistic republic.
As far as current situation – I actually believe that EU was offering a relatively honest deal to Ukraine… it kind of ran into the fact, that the east of Ukraine and Crymea do not want to give up ties to Russia…
well they identify themselves as russians first and foremost.
there are esentialy only two ways how to solve the problem permanetly – move the borders, or move the people.
(first one is a sore point noone wants to do in current world – redrafting borders according to etnicity would be unleashing a big demon on current world. Second one – well especially germans are sore about that after WWII – lot of them were moved from Poland, from my Country… but in the end – it eliminated one cause of conflict in Europe – ethnic problems with subjugation to others who think differently…
that was scarcely the singular cause of conflict, but it has always been a catalyst of it. Europe so far only managed to maintain peace when states copied ethnical distribution and there never were any significat ethnical minorities anywhere.
That always created too much bad blood. but EU would never admit that as cause. Everyone must band under one banner, and one ideal…
Funny… this time I keep remembering Michael Eddingtons speech from Star trek: Deep space 9 about Federation beeing worse then Borg, with assimilating everything. (with Borg beeing more honest about it – which was kind of unconscious jab against Sisko who lost wife to them)
Ukraine east, that is a thing simply too far to be understood by Brusels… (like the Badlands colonies were too far to understand for Earth where “all problems have been solved” for too long.)
I think that so called “leaders” in EU are so out of touch of reality of common men and women, that they do not understand.
take the minimum wage in Bulgaria – eu member state… 215 EUR for 160 hours for month before taxes… minimum wage… Germany… 1200EUR… for 38,5 hours weekly… (btw it is mine above average wage in czech rep… our minimal wage is 350 for 160)
and well prices for most goods are “globalized” so computer cost about the same amount of money in bulgaria and in germany.
for the same reason… noone living in New York, or Washington can actually understand people living around Charkov… hell the chief oligarch there said that he does not care Ukraine government baned export of arms to russia – that he will keep selling them anyway – he has people to feed, without the export… there is no way for them to buy food or heat.
Sure – his militias dumped out both “separatist” and “government” forces. Neither are welcome – status quo is prefered. He is quite popular… certainly more than government figures.
this world is hardly simple.
Seko wrote:
Well… problem with Germany having an army is well… it happened everytime it had any meaningful army not just last time.
albeit truth be told – 1st world war was simply caused by everyone trying to avoid it a bit too hard… My favourite from “Blackadder goes fourth”
Edmund: Do you mean “Why did the war start?”
Baldrick: Yeah.
George: The war started because of the vile Hun and his villainous empire-building.
Edmund: George, the British Empire at present covers a quarter of the globe, while the German Empire consists of a small sausage factory in Tanganyika. I hardly think that we can be entirely absolved of blame on the imperialistic front.
George: Oh, no, sir, absolutely not. [aside, to Baldick] Mad as a bicycle!
Baldrick: I heard that it started when a bloke called Archie Duke shot an ostrich ’cause he was hungry.
Edmund: I think you mean it started when the Archduke of Austro-Hungary got shot.
Baldrick: Nah, there was definitely an ostrich involved, sir.
Edmund: Well, possibly. But the real reason for the whole thing was that it was too much effort not to have a war.
George: By Golly, this is interesting; I always loved history…
Edmund: You see, Baldrick, in order to prevent war in Europe, two superblocs developed: us, the French and the Russians on one side, and the Germans and Austro-Hungary on the other. The idea was to have two vast opposing armies, each acting as the other’s deterrent. That way there could never be a war.
Baldrick: But this is a sort of a war, isn’t it, sir?
Edmund: Yes, that’s right. You see, there was a tiny flaw in the plan.
George: What was that, sir?
Edmund: It was bollocks.
@ Trimutius:
“Russian girls don’t really wear dresses like that (unless it is a cosplay)”
It makes sense when you consider that Larisa is being portrayed as more formal here to show that she is the one in charge in this situation. Making her more traditional gives her the parental role.
Don’t Google translate this in work 😉
@ Demarion:
“…could somebody also please explain what is the pickled food in the jar on the table there?”
In Russia the one and only everybody-knows-appetizer (snack) for vodka – pickled cucumbers. And after that goes brown tommy (“black bread” in Russia), lard with brown tommy etc.
Also in the morning after pickle itself very needed product…
Triniking1234 wrote:
but I guess it is more or less accurate translation.
@ Trimutius:
Oh, wow. I don’t mean any offense, but I certainly don’t agree with you there. The evidence for Russian troops being involved in the Ukrainian civil war is pretty clear at this point. Putin has even admitted it.
As for how it benefits Russia, that seems pretty clear too. First of all, Crimea’s warm-water port would be a major boon to Russia, and Putin wants it and wants a land path to get to it. But second, Russia in general wants to expand its influence and fragment what it sees as its opponents. This is the same strategy they used in South Ossetia and Transnistria. Fill the eastern half of the country with Russian patriots, then lend military support to an “independence” movement to break off half the country and use it as a buffer against the West.
@ Andy Wong:
It’s an old Yakov Smirnoff routine that became an internet meme…
I would have thought that Larissa and Ivan would despise current Kremlin elite and what they have done to their country. Larissa and Ivan don’t seem like people who would appreciate oppression.
@ The Greatest One:
Yes, Ivan is Larisa’s father, and Lena is her mother. She calls her parents by their names instead of “Mom” and “Dad.” It’s rare, but it happens in real life. (And not always because of stepparents, etc.)
@ Trimutius:
You’re not familiar with Fox News I take it? Honestly, it’s probably not possible to be profane enough for that execrable mound of hateful propaganda.
Vakaaja wrote:
Well, most Russians appreciate the chaos and general missery they enjoyed during Jelzin era even less.
Their lives today are hardly worse then they were under Jelzin who was greates friend of the west… no matter how drunk he was at any point.
Still it is far less opression they enjoyed under USSR which lot of them still remembers… long story short – they hardly care for anything world can offer to them from outside. (“they” meaning majority of them – even when west media runs a popularity poll there – government estabilishment popularity easily trumps popularity of any western counterpart)
We have “democraticaly ellected” politicians who care nothing about what we want…
Russia has politicians that are far away from completly democratic election… yet somehow they manage to deliver what their public wants. (chicken and egg question not withstanding)
it’s not anti-Russian bias to point this out that Russia invades its neighbors on a regular basis.
When the Ukraine surrendered its nuclear weapons in the 1990s, why did it want the US to agree to help defend it if it was attacked? Protection from Russia
Why does the Ukraine want NATO membership? Protection from Russia.
Why did the Ukraine decline to join Russia’s EU-like economic partnership? Not wanting to be further dominated by Russia
Why do Estonia Latvia and Lithuania, Poland and other former SSRs *have* NATO membership?
Protection. From. Russia.
When the Cold War ended and the USSR disintegrated, Russia need not have had a single enemy in the West. There’d be distrust and resentment on both sides for decades, but money speaks louder than such things. There was business that could have been done with and in Russia, but it didn’t work out that way.
Vlad Putin is empire-building. Russians can explain it away as shoring up national defense or use whatever rationalizations they like. But those begs the question: Defense from who? The US need not be an enemy. Europe either. Both have lined up behind the Ukraine *because* Russia is empire-building once again.
If Russia has nations on all sides that don’t like them, it’s because the USSR was a dismal police state, and nobody wants to return to Russian dominance. They’re better off with the Russians on their own side of the border and would prefer that the Russians stay there.
Russia’s only true enemy at the moment is China. China is passive-agressively invading Russia’s sparsely-held asian territory, moving people just a little across the border and building villages or settling abandoned Russian villages, then moving people a little further in from there after a few years. Russia is building an oil pipeline to China.