[0807] The Divine Comedy, Page 5
└ posted on Thursday, 28 July 2016, by Novil
- Larisa: I’d do anything to save Sandra!
- Larisa: Nevertheless, I find the prospect of eternal damnation in hell not very tempting.
- The Devil: Don’t worry. Imprisoning your precious soul in the Pillar of the Damned would be a great waste.
- The Devil: I have other plans with it.
- Larisa: Which would be?
- The Devil: After your death, you’ll have to serve me as a succubus!
- Larisa: As a succubus?
- The Devil: Yes. Your duty will be to debauch innocent young men to a dissolute life full of sex, drugs and dubstep.
- The Devil: May your countless conquests fuel the eternal fire of hell until it engulfs all of Elysium!
- The Devil: Please stop drooling on the infernal soul transfer contract.
- Larisa: Sorry…
What about Landon?
@ athroughzdude:
He does say after her death. Landon is still a viable option.
光竜 大智 wrote:
He didn’t say he will wait until she dies naturally
This is awesome.
“sex, drugs and dubstep.” 😀
Creepy and hilarious.
Well, she’s sold. Read the fine print, Larisa! … Aw, who am I kidding? If the devil tries to fine print troll Larissa, she’ll give *him* an eternity of fiery torture.
@ AmbiguousMouse:
He’s going to get that anyway, you know.
I hate to point it out, but if that’s the deal that cinches Larissa’s signature, I think Landon will be practice. I sincerely doubt they’ve slept together yet, but after her ‘birthday’ pic to him, it’s possible things have happened in the second or third base area.
@ Andi:
He won’t have to wait long, regardless… remember?
If the Lord of Lies isn’t lying, he’ll probably have ways to make life as a succubus suck for Larisa. For instance, he could start a project to make Hell more energy efficient by composting the damned for all eternity instead of burning them… and put Larisa in charge of it.
>:=)>
still amazed this is still going on and i found this simply by reading homestuck and got this add
Eh, heaven’s not her kind of place anyway. It probably doesn’t even have sex OR music of any kind, except maybe harps or something. This actually seems like a good deal for Larissa.
@ HMRC4EVR:
Well if you remember she was all for getting knocked up back in the birth control strip. So I would not be surprised if they have gone all the way by now.
Honestly I don’t know what else I would expect would happen to Larissa’s soul when she dies. She was probably already going to hell so this just kinda seals the deal. As a atheist these comedy interpretations of God, the devil and other pantheons are always interesting so this very well might end up being my favirote chapter.
Greenwood Goat wrote:
You are a brilliant and twisted individual. 😆
@ TvTropesgotmehooked:
I guess it would not be too hard to make being a succubus a punishment for her without anything he said being a lie. E.g. he did not say that Larissa as a succubus would be free to chose whom to seduce and when to fuck him, she might get orders from the devil there and have to seduce mostly unpleasant ugly old perverts and letting herself being violated for eternity.. I doubt she would enjoy that. Even worse, maybe a succubus is anatomically built to be unable to enjoy sex at all. There are so many ways to make this a bad deal if Larissa fails to read the fine print.
Boy, he knows how to win!
The Trap? A succubus on Azeroth.
@ Greenwood Goat:
except composting bodies would generate lots of methane which is a highly combustible gas. You shouldn’t put her near combustible materials.
One mans hell, another pyromaniac girl paradise. And, sad to say, since Larisa’s sell-throu date is approaching, that’s a tempting deal.
…What does it take to get an Incubus contract?
@ Djunk101:
Well, technically only your soul. Otherwise I imagine just being a male version of Larissa.
@ Andi:
Oooh, good point, though of course he won’t have to wait long, plus even a hundred years is short in the sight of immortal beings.
@ Greenwood Goat:
Hmm, true, though in this case I think it would be a waste to not use her as he said. Though imagine if she dies and her first job is Landon and gets stuck on him, thus continues to “live” though as an actual succubus instead of just like one as Landon’s mother believes. On a side note, her fears are in a way well-founded, though her reactions incredibly extreme.
Oh, that always self-defeating devil; Finally doing something logical and rewarding people for doing what he wants. He’d get way more service if he just stopped forming damned pillars out of his fellow fallen.
Calling it now: She drooled on the plot-important clause(s), blurring it out, letting her get away free from the Devil’s betrayal.
Well I can’t wait for visit by this succumbs. She can leave the drugs out and it would be enough anyway.
I’m fantasizing Landon and Larisa portrayed as a WoW Mage and his Succubus 🙂
She’s sold.
Ah Hell. Where all the fun people have gone to since… *Starts doing the math* Since 10,000BC.
That’s…a pretty good sale. I’m having a hard time finding the flaws in this contract.
Well. He did his research before he came to Larisa. 0_0;
…it could be argued that the God of the Old Testament is inifinitely more evil than Satan, honestly. He is merely said to be evil, whilst originally his evil act was rebelling against God. Arguably, Satan is a political enemy, rather than a particularly evil one. Therefore, it could be argued that everything evil he’s been said to have done is nothing but anti-Satan propaganda. He’s used as a scapegoat by God and his lot, for every fuck-up they make.
But that’s just a theory.
Have to give it to him, he sure knows how to sell it, and this role is right up Larisa’s alley 🙂
But lets see how this will turn out.
@ Ryoga_77:
Well thats Warlock who deal with fel energies and creatures…
Mages deal with arcane… true lifeblood of the universe.
And well Azeroth (the most powerfull world-soul ever found) is a special snowflake of a world… it´s denizens are in essence the most elaborate thing in creation.
With that… that is why they constantly beat gods, void lords, titans, fallen titans…
@ Djunk101:
And is there a tentacle demon subclause?
He knows how to make a sale.
What about Landon, though.
@ Paeris Kiran:
Thanks for the correction.
My mains are a Paladin (Ret.) and a Warrior (Fury).
Larissas deathbed scene …
Dont you dare ignore that DNR or put me on life support, i have plans !
*waves hand in the air*
Sign me up to for that!
@ West:
well, Satan as a name was originally his job title, his job litterally was to offer dissenting opinions and to challenge plans.
and God thought that man having the ability and capability to be smegheads to each other trumped Satan’s opinion that happiness (in the pre-american sense of contentment with your situation, rather than being aliased to joy) was more important than people being allowed to do whatever fracked up dren they wanted to each other
Dubstep is a real dealbreaker for me.
As with all deals that sound almost too good to be true, there’s probably a downside to all of this… Like the Devil lying, for example… It would kiiinda go against the PR image he’s setting for himself as an at the very least trustworthy force of evil, but then again, Thomas J. God’s PR agency paints him as a benevolent being and not a gigantic asshole…
And I was worried this arc would have a sad ending. Phew!
…Will Larisa be of legal age when she becomes a succubus? Because if she’s frozen at this age, she’s only a succubus for 12-14 year olds and… well, pedophiles.
…Better make sure to read that contract, Larisa.
@ MineSlimeTV:
same
So she will be allowed to keep doing what she already has been doing for some time (even if she hasn’t taken her relationships that far yet, she will most likely do so eventually) and will probably continue doing as long as possible.
Not necessarily much of a sacrifice on her part.
It all depends on what the contract exactly says. If the contract only says she has to serve him as a succubus, but not that she has to follow every single order… that doesn’t sound too bad.
Now I find myself really wanting to know which role Seeoahtlahmakaskay will play in this arc.
…I just realized that if it weren’t the Devil saying this, the line “Serve me as Succubus” being said to someone Larisa’s age is much, much more creepy.
@ Djunk101:
isnt larissa pushing 15-16 by this point? shes at least got another four years before her disease will undoubtedly kill her.
@ Stefan:
Actually that’s just what he’s said, not what the contract reads. I’m willing to accept that the contract will be binding in some fashion, but not necessarily his words. If you watched Rick and Morty I still haven’t decided that this devil won’t be like that one.
@ noname:
Why would the devil need to be lying. Larissa just doesn’t realize by now that “innocent young men” probably contains fat picklefaced clumsy male virgins that wouldn’t stand a chance to score with a girl like Larissa even if they sold their soul for it (or better now: unless they sold their soul for it). Young men from the perspective of a several thousand year old being could also include just about any age, from Satan’s perspective, even a 70-year-old guy could be young. Satan never said that Larissa will get to chose her victims herself. He also said nothing about where Succubi spend their free time when off duty – might still be some hellish roasting grill. Larissa, please stop drooling and read the fine print!