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![[0841] The Divine Comedy, Page 38](/comics/2016-12-08-0841-the-divine-comedy-page-38.png "[0841] The Divine Comedy, Page 38")
- Caption: Meanwhile.
- Thomas J. God: You!
- The Devil: Me?
- Thomas J. God: This time you’ve gone too far, Devil!
- The Devil: You say that every time.
- Thomas J. God: But this time I mean it! I’ll strike back without mercy! I and my army of one million…
- The Devil: Pfff.
- Thomas J. God: … lawyers!
- The Devil: AUUGH!
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Oh, puh-lease, he’s the devil! He must have a BILLION lawyers at his disposal.
@ Bedinsis:
I was going to say that!
Bedinsis wrote:
Not necessarily… He may have a billion of bad ones… But million actually good ones were able to prove that they can go to heaven…
If the Devil can borrow Matlock and Perry Mason, he’s got this win in the bag.
Old Joke:
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.”
So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”
Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”
God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”
Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”
God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”
Most lawyers are hated by many people so god wont have much the devil on the other hand….
Must be the defendant ones.
This is quite the “The Wee Free Men” moment if you ask me….
jeffepp wrote:
Most funny part actually. “Low level of comfort in hell”, indeed. But without rest of joke it wont be so funny. Interesting.
@ Bedinsis:
Even before I read your comment, I was thinking the same number and that this was just a set up for the Devil to laugh in the next comic.
ok, now this story arc gets unrealistic – as if a lawyer would ever made it into heaven!!
I mean the association of lawyers and the devil goes back to at least the medieval epoch. God, on the other hand, seems to be better at acquiring doctors and priests.
@ Trimutius:
but said one billion pf bad ones will be enough to drag on whatever paperwork is used against him for an eternity:\
Obviously God saw the joke about no lawyers getting into Heaven and let them all in so that couldn’t happen.
I use to tell my students, “Don’t go to law school; become an engineer. Engineers solve problems but lawyers just cause them.”
@ Trimutius:
incorrect
given the very nature of the Job,
Lawyers are required to defend someone even if they know they are guilty
as such, lawyers commonly tell lies, half truths, and twist the truth
all of which is done with the intent to deceive the court. a blatant act of dishonesty.
as such no trained, veteran, or professional lawyer could ever step foot in heaven
meaning that the only lawyers heaven could hire
would be angels, that have studied law.
and given an angel’s penchant towards Honesty
any lawyer trained by Heaven,
or Honest enough to actually get into heaven
would be a pretty bad lawyer.
and then heaven is stupid enough to hire a million of them
what’s that old saying?
“Too many cooks, spoil the broth.”
given that hell literally has an entire wing for Lawyers, politicians, and bureaucrats
and that the majority of them are well trained Veterans of the court
The Devil has this one in the bag.
Okay, this comic is no officially unrealistic, how would God have more Lawyers than The Devil?
@ Frith Ra:
However, these days doctors are required to lie in some cases by law (like lying to children about their dying health state), always lying that needle shots won’t hurt when they do, and sometimes deceive patients by offering medicine that isn’t most optimal nor cheapest because the drug companies have their lunches. Then you have bureaucratic doctors who regularly sign off paper work to deny patients of insurance without actually checking their case.
@ Frith Ra:
And maybe about 5% of all priests who lead their local church are fakers, cultists, and pedophiles.
Yeah, right. There is no way that God has more lawyers than the Devil.
@ jeffepp:
The real question is: who is going to be the judge?
And by the time they got the paperwork done, the devil will have fire loving Succubus to start a campfire.
Remember the Devil and God are not on equal footing here. God is the Boss of the Devil. So all those subject to the Devil are in principle also subject to God. Then God is also the first lawmaker …
You’re going to need them God, Lucy only ever needs one… playing Devil’s Advocate.
Lawyers are flammable. The more documentation they bring the better. Enter Larisa…
Devil wins! 🙂
I just want to see the devil open the window and yell “You sorry little ingrates!!” (MIB 1)
… You cant fight the Demon King with “Lawyers” He INVENTED lawyers, its like challenging Gordon ramsay in a cook of, what are is God, an airhead?
But does this guy not have “Devil’s Advocates” to help?
Fun fact: as far as I know Satan’s role initially was prosecutor at god’s court.
… So … he should make this into a criminal case thus he’d be in charge of prosecuting himself.
“Oops. Sorry! I failed!”
I love the subtly inserted Devil paraphernalia!
This comic just keeps on getting better 😀
Every lawyer who’s in heaven can’t be a very good lawyer.
@ Bedinsis:
I would have thought the Devil would have more Lawyers.@ HardWearJunkie:
Ha Ha very good!
Of course the original Devil’s Advocates worked for the Catholic Church ironically enough in order to dismiss the canonization of the wrong individuals.
@ Imperator Rex:
LOL. I want that paperweight!
kalebodonnell wrote:
I’m pretty sure being hated by people for doing your job would earn you some favors.
In any case, if we’re gonna get into the details (bearing in mind that this is a satire comic with joke comments), you guys need to remember that lawyers also defend innocent people and victims. If a bunch of folks believe you’re guilty of something, someone who knows the facts and defends your innocence is definitely a good person.
Plus, maybe a good number of lawyers still do it for the money, but I’m sure there are many who do it because they believe in justice (and don’t feel happy about defending a guilty person).
@ Brian:
as far as I know, God’s not the boss of the devil in this universe. All god-like deities are on roughly equal footing (for their own species/demographic), and they’re all run by “Upper managment”. The way the devil talked about them, they’re above God as well.
@ Tjikicew:
Upper managment I imagine
Hm yeah prety sure the devil have more lawyers then God. But realy The devil must think “oh no he will give me paperwork forever!” Waht is kind of scary. Even if you can split the paperwork so the lawyers have not mutch to do the Devil will have so many papers to singe teht he don´t come out mutch in the next Century(s) (maybe tehts the reson we dont see him so often since the medival age :P)
So there ARE lawyers in Heaven.
They would need a neutral third party to act as judge. I suggest either Fate or the Lady.
Agarax wrote:
How about a certain racoon goddess?
Our lawsuits will blot out the sun!
@ WellBattle6:
You should listen to In the Name of God podcast. There is some truly f’ed up stuff that the churches do. One example is a priest who sold heroin on the side.
Quit being such a sore loser, THOMAS.
Or he could just happen to leave a hellfire flamethrower with unlimited hellfire fuel where Larissa stumbles upon it just as she learn that the lawyer troops of heaven has descended to make battle for Sandra’s death.
AFAI can remember Larissa doesn’t have much love over for lawyers, and if they are trying to get Sandra killed…
@ Cpt. Obvious:
Besides she’s already a bit upset at the firefighters…
Are even a million lawyers a match for the Devil’s Advocate?
Wait, lawyers should be going to hell, no heaven. How come God has an army of them.
And now suddenly I’m reminded of Scegf0d the ungrateful angel
http://masonicon.tumblr.com/post/85262225568/afterlife-buildings
clickbait wrote:
Finally! Yay, raccoons come back. 🙂
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/👁\
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I’m sure someone can do a better job than my attempt…
@ Kuraimizu: just to be clear: most lawyers just do paperwork, legislative stuff and whatnot.