New summary for About page
I’m not particularly happy with the summary of the comic’s content on the About page, which is also used on other websites. While the text shouldn’t be too touting, it could do a better job of arousing interest in new readers. It also lays too much emphasis on the first chapter in its current state:
Gaia is a fantasy comic about the odyssey of Ilias Oter and his friends in the self-created world of Gaia. Ilias is a student at the “Academy for Arcane Studies and Material Arts” which is located close to the capital city of Cania. In recent years, tension has grown between Cania and Midgard, the leading nation since the two big wars at the end of the First Age. Ilias, though, is much more interested in his classmate, the beautiful and talented wizard Lilith Caillean, than in politics. There is just something magical about her… At the beginning of the story, Ilias and the other students face the first serious test in their life, the final exams of the Academy.
I tried to rewrite it, but without much success. I’m just not good at writing blurbs. Maybe some of you could make a few suggestions for a better one.
Legend speaks of a world that created itself; the world of Gaia.
In the First Age of Gaia, two great wars were fought, leaving the nations of Cania and Midgard above all others, and powerful rivals. In years recent, tensions have begun to grow, creating unrest between the two nations, and increased concern from those caught in the middle. Those of the Academy for Arcane Studies and Material Arts, located near Cania’s capital city, would have their own reasons for worry. But one student, a young man known as Ilias, could care less about politics. Something far more magical had caught his eye, the beautiful, and talented wizard, Lilith Caillean. But perhaps in his distraction, Ilias has forgotten that he is about to face his biggest challenge yet: AASMA’s Final Exam!
I imagine this as being like what would be on the back of a book. It gives the reader a bit of insight, catches their attention,introduces the main character and his current concerns, but doesn’t give everything away and leaves them to discover the rest on their own.
I love writing blurbs. May I? Feel free to use, alter, or totally ignore.
The wars of the First Age left the magical world of Gaia sharply divided, and tensions run high between the nations. Not that politics are a great concern for Illias Oter and his friends, who are soon to graduate from the Academy for Arcane Studies and Material Arts. But Illias finds studying to be not nearly as interesting as his classmate Lilith Caillean, a beautiful and amazingly talented young wizard.
The grueling final exams are fast approaching, a challenge Illias and his classmates have been training for their whole lives. Few will pass, and even fewer are prepared for the far greater challenge that awaits them. Loyalty and friendship will be tested, sacrifices must be made, and an adventure begins as Illias races to save what is most precious to him before time runs out.
“GAIA is a fantasy comic about the odyssey of Ilias Oter, a wizarding student and his friends, including the beautiful and talented Lilith Caillean, in the world of Gaia. The final exams approach against the political background of increasing tensions between their country Cania and leading nation Midgard. Ilias is more interested in Lilith than in politics. However at their graduation ceremony, a violent and treacherous event draws them all into the dangerous web of intrigue, magic and political games, and forces them to take on responsibilities they had never thought likely…”
Something like that?
I’m useless at writing, but having leafed through the blurbs on the backs of about half a dozen books, they usually tend to be about three paragraphs long. The first sets the scene and introduces the characters, the second introduces a major obstacle, the third outlines the driver (several had words to the effect of “through many twists and turns”).
So ideally we need to introduce Gaia (the world), Lilith and Ilias and provide a hint at what happens after leaving the Academy without giving anything away. The phrase “The course of true love never does run smooth” springs to mind, perhaps coupled with something along the lines of the Powers That Be getting in the way of their relationship (which is perfectly true, but not in the way a new reader may initially think!)
Of course, the current storyline (Lilith’s arrest and Ilias’s attempt to get her back) is probably just Act 1 of the story – if she is successfully broken out, there’s going to be plenty of plot material in What Happens Next (for one, I can’t imagine Viviana and the Shadowdancers leaving our intrepid gang to their fate and fading out of the story!)
I was going to suggest “How about a collaboratively-edited Gaia wiki, with an About page?” but it looks like you’ve already got a few suggestions here
Hmm, let me give this a shot:
Ilias is one of the top students at Academy for Arcane Studies and Material Arts but he still has some everyday worries about life. How the final exam will go, how to convince his even more talented friend Lilith to dump her snobbish boyfriend and date him instead, etc but all of this pales to the troubles he and his friends discover when they suddenly find themselves wrapped up in a game of power, politics, and conspiracy which could break their world’s already-fragile core.
Oliver,
I’ve been enjoying the story, and Powree’s art. Reading your blurb that it’s actually about Ilias, though, floored me.
Maybe I’m just an inattentive reader, but so far I thought the strip was about Lilith. This is reinforced by having her on the banner. If I’m not terribly inattentive, this may be confusing other readers as well.
If it’s my own lack of attention–well, *that’s* never happened before! XD (Yup, I do lots-o-headslaps.) Keep up the good work!
“The exams have begun at the Academy for Arcane Studies and Material Arts in the self-created world of Gaia. While Ilias Oter and his friends must get ready, Ilias finds himself, almost magically, pulled to a classmate, the beautiful Lilith Caillean, rather than the
politics of the two main nations, Cania and Midgard, where two major wars at the end of the First Age started tension, and has been growing ever since.”
Just something I thought of when I read the above post. Feel free to use it.
One thing I dont get is the “self-created world” thing. Sounds like something poorly translated into English.
if you change nothing else, please change that.
Thanks for the input. I came up with the following:
Tensions have begun to grow between Midgard, the leading nation since the two devastating wars at the end of the First Age, and Cania, the home country of Ilias Oter and his friends. Ilias, though, finds politics to be not nearly as interesting as his classmate Lilith Caillean, a beautiful and amazingly talented young wizard. There is just something magical about her… As the students of the “Academy for Arcane Studies and Material Arts” face the first serious test in their life, the final exams, they suddenly find themselves wrapped up in a web of intrigue and magic that could break their world’s already-fragile core. Now it’s up to Ilias and his friends to save what is most precious to them before time runs out. But is giving your “best” even enough when you have to deal with forces that seem to be able to move kings like pawns on a chess board?
Gaia, a story about the nature of reality, and the answer to Lilith’s simple, meek, world-shattering question: “Will you come along?”
Phil B wrote:
It’s not better in German.