[0630] Richard’s Confession
└ posted on Monday, 3 November 2014, by Novil
There are two new polls that appear in the voting widget in the right sidebar:
- How do you like a good steak?
- Which of the following story arcs did you like the most?
- Sheriff: I’ve worked in Chicago and Detroit, but true horror is only to be found in sleepy small towns…
- Caption: Shortly before.
- Richard: I was sitting in my lawn chair and watched my neighbor flipping his filet steak twenty times, poking it again and again, broiling it until it was black and burying it under a mountain of steak sauce. And I just laughed and did nothing. Because he always borrows my garden tools and never returns them!
![[0630] Richard’s Confession](/comics/2014-11-03-0630-richards-confession.png "[0630] Richard’s Confession")
Why is this comic accessible on the front page (only), before it’s publish day in Germany?
I…I couldn’t. I was able to last up to the broiling it black, but… but… but… the mountain of steak sauce… WHERE IS YOUR HUMANITY!?!?!?
I have no love for steak, so the significance of this joke is lost to me.
I am a Texan so I take great offense to the cooking of that steak.
TRIGGER WARNING
I don’t prefer steak but even I know you don’t eat it like…that. Eww.
Also we less than 3 weeks from Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire! Woo!
RICHARD YOU MONSTER!!!
…but in the end, Richard was only charged with a lesser offence, that of aiding and abetting the violation of good taste, which was later dismissed on applesauce. The neighbour was given a mild stomach upset, to run consecutively with the overdone steak, which was later reduced on Alka-Seltzer. Owing to a technicality involving an unsecured dustbin lid, Woo was given the leftovers, which he devoured.
>:=)>
Maybe he just likes his steaks that way.
I thought this was supposed to be a family friendly comic…
I can’t get over the younger cop crying in the first panel, that was hilarious.
Given the nature of the steaks they have in most grocery stores, they are either thick enough to be roasts, or too thin to cook with burning them. As for that much sauce, ugh!!
I forget where I read it, but someone once said that the most difficult aspect of cooking to learn is patience. Knowing a thousand recipes or having a million doodads in the kitchen isn’t as important as being able to leave food alone to, well, cook.
Petah-Petah wrote:
This. To each their own. It’s amazing how snooty people are about steak cooking… unless you are putting it in your mouth it really shouldn’t matter to you. Personally I would pass on said steak, it sounds too burnt and I am not particular to steak sauces, but maybe this is just what the neighbor really does enjoy.
obviously Richard has never learned the fine art of low & slow with a minimum of seasonings, including rubs and sauces. for that crime, he should spend the rest of unnatural life eating at the worst dives in the world
And on that day Richard’s heard turned black as he let his neighbour devoured the steak sauce slathered
steakcharcoal. He will become the dark lord of BBQ and only his daughter can stop him from his reign of madness.– Sybil’s prophecy, or she’s just being high as usual.
The issue isent that he might like steak that way
It’s that he wasted a prime cut of meat.
It wasent a bbq steak
I’m hoping that the FF people might make a reference to this comic in FF XV given how square likes to do things.
Is there a character named after Vivi?
I can’t stomache rare steaks, so I always slow cook them. Doesn’t have to take that long either, I brown both sides in a pan with some spices, then add water to cover and simmer for about 35 minutes.
We small town people have the power to make big city cops cry. Beware for those who step in unknown parts of the small town where the weirdo is waiting tell his story. Remember to put your hands over your ears turn the other way so you don’t look at his face when he tell his story about cooking steak and not having his tools return to him.
I had make something up this one.
In the German version of the comic, “steak sauce” in English is rendered as “steaksauce” in German. Is a raccoon your translator, or is this Teutonic humor?
@ Mr. Random:
Well Family friendly means no explicit pictures… Explicit text has less censorship than picture… It would be totally different issue if the steak itself was drawn…
I would like to answer your steak poll correctly, but it is missing at least two or three steps after “overcooked” 🙂
Trimutius wrote:
Drawn? You monster! Think about the children….. and the chefs!
AckAckAck wrote:
Just a disclaimer… that was only an example of what should be censored and not shown anywhere…
I like my steak medium rare (though I never manage to cook it quite right myself), with a little bit of garlic salt added after cooking.
My Uncle Noel’s (may he rest in peace) policy on cooking steak: cut off its horns and wipe its arse and it’s done.
I don’t like my steak still screaming but a dull moan is just about right . . .
You must be English.@ Chengarda:
Sooo… Richard’s neighbour is Homer Simpson?
My wife and I like our steaks still moving and bleeding on the plate. I always let the meat come to room temp first then show it to an almost red hot skillet. That sears in the juices and keeps the meat nicely sweet and tender. I cook pork to the new USDA guideline of 150F (65C for civilized people). That way it’s pink, juicy, and safe. Lamb – medium rare because it’s a stronger tasting meat and needs a little more time to develop the flavor. Considering the way meat is rising in price it’s a shame to spoil it via overcooking.
@ Mike:
It wasn’t Richard. It was his neighbor.
I’m from St. Louis, so I’m okay with that steak being incinerated as long as it wasn’t a pork steak. I’d consider that a capital crime.
¡Hijole! Matalo carné
Enough Spanish failure. This is blasphemy to Grillen
Ah
Enough German failure…
Unskilled Grilling?
@ KeySlime:
Because Germany is 6 hours ahead of the Eastern US and 8 hours ahead of my time zone, and the authors seem to post at around midnight their time.
I like my stake spiky, right through the vampire’s heart, then twisted.
I like my steak from the butcher, marbled, grilled to medium over a wood stove, sizzling when served, and slightly sauced.
Is the French spelling ‘filet’ of the word ‘fillet’ there on purpose?
Alakaslam wrote:
In case you’re wondering, that translates back as: God damn son! kill him, ID card!
… but the police elected not to press charges because the neighbour deserved it. DESERVED IT, I TELL YOU!
Snooty or not, descriptions like these make steak connoisseurs cringe (Oliver’s intent, surely) much like wine connoisseurs cringing at people who put ice cubes in champagne (of which I know of no one who has, surely).
I never thought Richard would truly take to the Dark Side. I mean he acted this to his daughter, but that was truly unneighbourly.
P.S Call of Duty Advanced Warfare released today though I highly doubt most people here care. I am really looking forward to it.
@ HeavyP:
Though there is some truth to that – especially when you’re talking about some of the more delicate baked goods – there’s a certain amount of attention necessary as well, which when absent goes the other direction and destroys food – the key is finding the right balance of patience and attention… my wife, for instance, lacks the attention aspect somewhat (she is GREAT with leaving things alone)… let’s just say she likes the crockpot / slow cooker recipes for a reason.
It’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for. They’re the one who have most likely snapped and are led away in cuffs when it’s found there are bodies hidden in the basement. Like Canada…they may be the nice polite country that’ll one day just SNAP!(Just to be clear, I’m a Canadian, no offence meant to my fellow countrymen and women.)
@ Greeneagle:
Because to grill a steak that badly, to turn it into charcoal, is . . . oh God! . . . it is . . . to know that somebody could do that . . . and to know that another would let that happen to an innocent piece of steak . . . the horror . . . the horror . . .
@ Commander Clash:
Hey, look at Kevin Vickers. One shot, one kill. And no boasting about it afterwards. Get in, get the job done, no muss no fuss.
Who else other than a damn vampire (or even a werewolf) want’s to eat their steak any other way?
@ Van:
I “filet steak” is a tenderloin steak. Very low fat content. You just put it over a good source of heat for ~2 minutes each side, or until the crust is to your liking, and then eat it. Can’t ever be too thick. I’ve had two inch thick tenderloin steak and it was delicious.
That’ll show him!
Want a great steak? Sous-vide that sucker and just sear it after.
@ Greeneagle:
The joke is that he let him burn a prime piece of steak (fillet steak is one of the most expensive kinds there are because so little is obtained from each cow) and overload it with steak sauce when it should only have a little bit of sauce to enhance the flavour – which is not something you just let happen with friends or neighbours you want to stay friends with because fillet steak is so expensive that they likely can’t go about buying more reasonably just because they have ruined one. XD
steaks are not COOKED for crying out loud… steaks are grilled.
Commander Erwin is that you?
That’s it.
TIme to bring back Mortal Combat (though there are ridiculous instances where two fighters have to hit each other with ram horns and descended into a brawl when their weapons broke).