[0746] The 10 New Commandments
└ posted on Monday, 21 December 2015, by Novil
- Caption: Larisa presents: The 10 New Commandments!
- Larisa: You can tell that they’re the true words of God from the fact that they’re written on stone tablets.
- Stone tablet: I – V
I Thou shalt not talk in the theater!
II Thou shalt not swipe thy colleague’s food out of the office fridge!
III Thou shalt always use thy blinker before changing lanes!
IV Thou shalt not drive 10 miles to save $1.29 on a purchase!
V Thou shalt not join a hobby development team when thou have neither time nor motivation to work on the project!
- Stone tablet: VI – X
VI Thou shalt not reply to comments from internet trolls!
VII Thou shalt not look at thy phone every 30 seconds when meeting someone!
VIII Thou shalt not tell depressed people to “cheer up”!
IX Thou shalt not put unflattering photos of other people on the internet!
X Thou shalt give Novil lots of money! (PayPal account: [illegible]@gmx.de)
- Larisa: I believe the last commandment is the result of dirty lobbyism.
- Sandra: You don’t say!
![[0746] The 10 New Commandments](/comics/2015-12-21-0746-the-10-new-commandments.png "[0746] The 10 New Commandments")
Clever.
I’m always amazed by people who can find time and motivation for hobbies.
Which religion?
Cervisia wrote:
Yeah, which religion may be known for having 10 commandments? Must be a really obscure one!
Novil wrote:
I think there might be three of them ….
@ Novil:
OH whoops, I’m not supposed to reply to trolls. -Deletes Comment-
Nothing about “thou shall not put out a fire” or similar? 😮
But like picking on internet trolls. And they started it first!
@ Novil:
I was surprised when I first realized that various religions can’t even agree on what the Ten Commandments are!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten_Commandments
has a good overview.
They are Ten Commandments, true words from God (sic) and actually pretty good advice, much like the originals…..
Unfortunately like the originals, I doubt most of humanity will take any of these to heart either. Human beings are a pretty hard-headed and hard-hearted lot when it comes to stuff we ain’t supposed to do. And alas, I know people who break at least three of Larisa’s commandments daily, he he.
Stohhhp that…it’s getting silleh…. 😀 😀 😀
Reminds me a bit of the so-called Bill of No RIghts. Combination of common sense and humor to get the point across.
@ C.W. Roden:
Oh yes… the number of ways that people have got around “Thou shalt not kill.”
So can we put unflattering photos of depressed people on the Internet?
http://www.agameforgoodchristians.com/blog//lovinggod
Totally support nr III
Xan wrote:
One mans “Bill of No Rights” is another man’s Right Wing Screed.
Wait. Where’s the Other tablet with Commandments 11 – 15 ?
Butterfingers Again?
Greenwood Goat wrote:
I believe the actual translation is: “Thou Shall not Murder”.
Otherwise, you have to explain all the places where Yahweh Demands that you kill people.
For Instance:
I know a man who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death.
Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
Or is it okay to call the police and have him Shot?
Touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean.
Leviticus 11:7.
If they promise to wear gloves, can the NFL still play football?
Can Notre Dame?
Can West Point?
Does the whole town have to vote to stone my neighbor for planting different crops side by side?
Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads?
Or, do I have to turn her over to a Police firing squad?
These are all important questions…
V Thou shalt not join a hobby development team when thou have neither time nor motivation to work on the project!
Nice, but one little change: … when thou hast neither … (singular) or … when ye have neither … (plural)
I don’t know what Ten Commandments is, and at this point I’m afraid too ask.
I like number 5.
Thou shalt not comment with a ridiculous quip that reflects the joke of the comic.
Cheer Up! At least there were no Star Wars spoilers in this comic.
The Ancient Egyptians had 47 commandments, not just 10. The anonymous scribes who wrote the books of Judaism, Christianity and Islam and put their words in the mouth of some ( historical?) figurehead actually plagiarized the writings of earlier civilizations.
@ Connorses:
Someone is throwing shade…
@ Jerry:
Did you get that from a movie? I think I saw something similar in a gifset from what looked like a movie some years ago.
@ Greenwood Goat:
Not kill, not steal, not covet, not commit adultery…. you get the idea. I think everyone falls short.
When it comes to Larisa’s commandments, I kinda fudge on number’s: 2, 5, 6, 8.
@ Jerry:
Well I am no Biblical scholar, just a librarian and a simple country writer from South Carolina. However from my personal reading on that particular book, its my understanding that the parts you sited from the books of Exodus and Leviticus were laws written by Moses while the Hebrews were in the wilderness for 40 years following the destruction of the original 10 commandments actually written by God. While the original laws were written by God, the others you mentioned were written by men (human beings) who will always fall short. And there-in lies the contradictions.
Of course human beings have always been creatures of contradictions.
Same applies just as true today, like how some political ideologies see abortion as a right to choose how a woman treats her own body though it means destroying an innocent life – yet see capital punishment for serial rape and murder to be an evil act in and of itself. On the reverse other ideologies see abortion as murder but see capital punishment as justice.
Who is right and who is wrong? Is neither entirely right or completely wrong? Its just that we humans are flawed creatures by our own natures. We’re always going to screw it up and fall short of God’s examples, that is why no political or social ideology, or any religious faith no matter how well intentioned shall ever achieve Star Trek-type utopia.
sieler wrote:
Read again. They agree (more or less) on the content, but not on the exakt numbering and how to interpret them.
By the way: if you interpret the law against “images” strictly enough, you could say that ANY differentiation between Jahwe, The Christian God and Alah is a violation of this commandment.
Darn, I was hoping the otherworldly voices would be the actual story. 🙂
@ athroughzdude:
That’s from Mel Brooks’ “History of the World, Part 1”.
Larisa, I love you.
You never fail to make me laugh.
@ John:
Its not smart to question God’s grammar.
Novil wrote:
Well the Famous one has 3 commandment on the first tablet and 7 on the other. so this must be a new one 😉Novil wrote:
Given the famous one has 3 commandments on the first tablet and 7 on the second, so it must be an obscure one.
Dante wrote:
Very good!
“Don’t be a dick to others!”
I think that’s a religious decree that is rather compelling.
EvilMidnightLurker wrote:
Those commandments came from somewhere, you know! 😉
Now VI can be fun if done right (take whatever they wrote with a big grain of salt to begin with), and IX is probably alright if they agree with it. Though one should be careful as to what kind of pictures of yourself you put online. Then there’s X… 😉
But all in all, I really think those hold merit, don’t they.
roguebfl wrote:
Turn’s out there are quite a few variations on how this commandments are writen on the tables. Including a version in which both tables are exact copies of each other (like in a contract, where both sides get a copy).
GEE, NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED
Finally, a religion I can get behind.
John wrote:
Thou… Thou hast. Thou hast mich.
damn…larisa is pretty
and, of course, George Carlin did an Analysis and proved that you can condense the list down to Just One.
It’s on Youtube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CE8ooMBIyC8
Jerry wrote:
Well, all of those are applicable only to Jews (by definition, the laws are a covenant between God and Israel) and a death sentence cannot be handed down except by a properly constituted Sanhedrin, which has not existed since roughly 300 C.E. and cannot at present be constituted. So there are the answers to your questions; “Almost certainly not”, “Yes*”, and “No,”
*Even if he is Jewish, it is permitted to handled processed leather goods and there is no issue of kashrut since by definition kashrut does not apply to that which is inedible.
@ Novil:
D.G wrote:
Actually, “Israel” is the land (not “nation” byut “land” meaning any land where the people of God has power) of Gods chosen people, not “jews” really… And Christians definitely see themselves as God’s chosen people. This cherrypicking of what to care about in the Bible just prove how little people actually believe in their s.c. faith…
If the Old testament is only applicable to the Jews then so is the entire base of the Christian faith. Don’t cherrypick… Seeing as the commandments are in the OT, Genesis likewise, actually MOST of the “what God is and what he demands” is in the OT not NT….
NT is simply stories by a bunch of people SAYING they are relaying the words of Jesus, who according to THEM said (hearsay about hearsay) he was the son of God and told them all this… Which makes it 3d hand information at best. Discounting numerous changes made later for political reasons as well as translations and whatnot…
So “Christians” are just a bunch of people who like to be in a social club with a known name.
athroughzdude wrote:
I’m pretty sure that he got it from here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSXJzybEeJM
(The West Wing starring Martin Sheen. It ran on NBC from 1999-2006.)
@ Baalzie:
Well yes, Christians are not Jews by definition,. Also you are redefining terms with wild abandon.
I take great enjoyment in making internet trolla rage quit simply by messing with their minds. I’ve been playing some pretty hardcore mind games since my middle school years. It was always worth it to emotionally destroy Bullies and such.
Whoever is the owner of the eMail “illegible@gmx.de” will be up for a pleasant surprise.
I so want this on a t-shirt. No, sorry, NEED is the proper word here. I need this on a t-shirt.
If at all possible, as long as it’s within your power, be at peace with everyone.
Basically, I think that God would approve of these ways to treat your fellow man.
Not sure if everyone can keep that last one, though. Of course, humanity has always fallen short.